So before I start talking about anything, if anyone is reading, I would like to say none of what I am about to say is meant to disrespect anyone.

I’ve been feeling empty inside. I really feel like I only have one friend in this whole world and that would be someone who I can tell anything to, whether it is girl stuff or me just being stupid. I met her just a little bit ago, not even a year and I haven’t even met her face-to-face. Her name would be Krysten, and she is amazing if anyone ever needs anything you know that she will do her best.

I’ve been thinking about boys and it is really annoying me that anyone who I talk to just says “They aren’t worth your time” well you know what… a boy is the person who will give me everything I have ever really wanted. I want to be loved, I want a husband who will love me and my kids, which brings me to the next thing I’ve always wanted it kids, I want a loving family that isn’t like the people I have been around in my house lately, I want to be happy and a lot of people think and tell me that a boy will not bring me happiness. I just want to tell those people to stop kidding themselves, I see my sister who just got her real first boyfriend and even though he lives in a different state across the country she is still so happy. I keep thinking that maybe I should go to James and ask him to be my boyfriend, when I’m not around him I think that things might work out and part of that is my fear of dying alone but once I am around him I realize that we are on two totally different levels. And with Kyle it’s just crazy for me to even think that he will fully be the guy I used to know and love, and even liked in a way that I didn’t know that I ever would. Which brings me to the next point; I went to a high school girl sleepover for the youth group the other night and the youth leaders wife hosted it and started talking and she said something about how when she was younger her family kept telling her that her and one of her guy friends was going to end up going out and that reminded me of me and Kyle, do I just like him because my siblings and my mom told me over and over again that I liked him and that we would end up marrying each other? I don’t know.

My mom is at an all time low, I don’t know what’s going on but I do know that she’s not in her right mind most of the time and my older brother agrees with me. If she keeps all this crap up I will end up asking my brother to stay at his place for a bit until I have to start work again.

WordPress has been a great place for me to vent and I still am going to keep this blog up and still post in case anyone does follow and read but I am going to make a tumblr. I follow so many tumblr blogs right now and I think that making a tumblr and adding all the blogs I follow right now and expanding will be better for my computer and for my emotional and mental health.

Well that should be all for now. Good night.

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